Nikki Asks For An Ass-Whipping… And Will Be Getting It

Here is Nikki’s latest words of wisdom — we are copying it instead of providing a link, but we have page grabs for when he realizes just how bad he has fucked up and tries to delete this:

I could be a prick and say something mean…

But I will not go stooping to the level of Joseph McGee when he referred to me, I feel for his family in his passing but somewhere I know he’s worm food. The fact I am trying to watch what I say now because if I don’t I will be in state property and I am not property. I am not someone’s fish on a hook. Seeing that McGee passed while I was on the road, it might be mean the way I say how he’s worm food but that’s the truth. Joe and I never been on good terms even from his beginning. All he’s trying to do is sell a few books as I am trying to do.
The disease he died from runs in my family too. So I can relate to his there, but as far as Joseph McGee the similarities will rest there. As I said in his life, I stick to in his death I will not be buying any of his books. This is one of those authors I wish his works went with him, as much as he did with me. I would normally not speak so ill of the dead, but in the case of Joe I am going to make an exception. My bad blood with him ends in his death but I am going to have the final word about this one, the fact that he and I never really liked each other even from when I was active on the one message board — I remember him as that eternal douchebag. You expect someone to be kind to you in death, you should been a little more understanding of another writer who is struggling to get out there.
I don’t like him as a writer or as a person. I am saying this with a deep honesty, and man up to the fact I never liked the stuck up bastard. Now here come the bastards trying to bury me alive because of that statement. They are also mad because of a statement I wrote earlier. Will that statement come back to haunt me later, yeah it might but it is speaking with an intense honesty. If anyone sees this and has their respect for me might not have it now, I understand. Joseph McGee and I had our own war of words a few times in life. If they want to take a ripe one on my grave now, I said my peace about Joe McGee’s passing. If his family want to take turns shitting on my name for that statement that’s how I thought of him. I would never buy a book of his.

Nikki couldn’t comprehend a book of McGee’s, because we all know that he is functionally illiterate. And he has no money to buy a book. And he already told everyone he wouldn’t buy anything from Snuff Books because he’s got penis-envy over Eric Enck and Adam Huber. And I’m sure “his publisher” will be glad to hear him bashing yet another one of his money-makers (which Nikki will never be.)

Well, Nikki… you sure stepped in the shit this time. There are people who had decided to leave you alone (a lot of people, actually) but they are crying out for your blood now. Also, no one will ever have to contact a publisher and tell them not to run you (even though no one ever has before)…all anyone will have to do is just send a link to this lovely blog with which you’ve buried yourself.

Poor Nikki… kicked out on your ass from HWA, yet they’ve made a big deal about having McGee’s obituary published, PROUD that he was a member while, even if you had a billion dollars, HWA wouldn’t have kept you nor would they take you back. Poor Nikki… him has to make big bullshit noise so people will remember he is still alive while they mourn a real horror writer. Yes, Nikki, people know… they JUST. DON’T. CARE.

Masochists? We Must Be….

We really need to stop attempting to read Nikki’s “writing.” We use the word “writing,” simply because we can’t come up with any word that accurately describes the painful, awkward, rambling drek that he commits to paper… so, to try and save the minds of others, we refer to it as “writing.”

The latest crap to torture ourselves with: “Life Inheritance” by Nikki “Cannot Be Described In the Sense That It Was Or is Horrifically Indescribable” Pacione.

We cannot even give a summary of what this thing was about. It may have been about some Amazingly Talented Young Male Writer Who Couldn’t Get Published Even Though He Was So Amazing, who kicks the bucket in a car accident. His lucky girlfriend survives, but we don’t know why, nor do we care, since she’s not much more than a footnote anyway. Mr. Author, who “didn’t quite have a will,” left his manuscripts to his sister IN HIS WILL. That he didn’t have. Which also said he wasn’t to undergo an autopsy… even though the will didn’t exist.

Had enough already? Well, too bad!

All the nurses and doctors go reading Mr. Author’s manuscripts while GF is in the hospital bed, because they have all heard of this writer who has not been published and, after all, why not read a dead guy’s personal papers instead of treating his critically injured girlfriend? Just wrap her up real tight in a sleepsack and she’ll be fine.

While the medical staff is reading the wonders of Mr. Author’s writings of horror of nightmares that cannot be described, the indescribable horrors of the nightmares come to life in the minds of those reading about them. And then they look around the room to see the horrors come into reality before their eyes and it is horrible, but we don’t know why because Nikki doesn’t tell us one blessed thing about what it is they are seeing.

Oh, and Mr. Author’s sister apparently “inherits” his “nightmarish insanity” because the guy is such a loving brother that he passes his lunacy onto her on his way to the Ferryman (who he allegedly describes in his writings -so exclaims a nurse- but whose description is never shared with the reader.) Of course not.

Jesus-fucking-christ-on-a-rubber-fucking-crutch!!!

Keep your bleach, Nikki. We are going to go splash some battery acid into our eyes to try and erase the horror of actually attempting to follow that schizophrenic wet dream that you call “story telling.”

Christmas Gift Suggestions for Our NickoLOUSE

We have come up with a few sugestions for gifts to send the Greasy Goth.

1. The often suggested book, “Elements of Style.” Please underline everything in a red crayon so Niki knows “THIZ IZ IMPORTENT.”

2. Take a few copies of his Ether Gazelle “magazine” and make him a xmas tree. Don’t remember how? Just glue the front and back covers together, using about 5 or 6 “magazines.” Then, fold down the corner of each page until it reaches the spine. “Old Folks” used to do this with leftover telephone books.

3. Make him a hula skirt by shredding a bondage sleepsack up to the top, leaving two inches in tact so he can wrap it around his waist. Include LARGE saftey pins so he can “close his skirt” — cuz no one wants to see THAT. We’re sure he already has a bra to cover up his man-boobs.

4. Give him a kazoo. It’s bound to sound better than his voice.

5. And Our Favorite: Take any of his “books,” and put it in a nice, large box. Pack the sides of the box well, so the book won’t slide around. Then hover over the book and lay as many turds on it as you can (we recommend eating chili and burritos a few hours before this step.) Be sure to put a pretty bow on top of your shit. Tape up the package according to the USPS packaging standards, and ship it to:

Nickolaus A. Pacione
3600 Walleye Road
Morris, IL
60450, USA

HAPPY JESUS DAY, NIKKI!

Laughter Tinged With Tears

Why, you ask, would we have tears?

Partly because we are laughing so very hard. The other reason is that Nikki won’t play with us anymore. Or, at least, not yet.

However, as long as he continues to do what we tell him to, we will be happy with that. Even if it compromises the incoming amounts of LULZ.

Out Of Curiosity…

Does anyone know how one might alert the IRS to one’s illegal and fradulent, mulitple “businesses?”

Mmmmm.. might as well throw in how to alert the Social Security Admnistration as well….

We’re in a good mood for evilness.

REPOST – Because it’s just *that* good….

I have decided to repost this story from my DA account. Even though Nikki is too stupid to understand this little tale (and is also too stupid and too slow to have found this blog yet,) I think it is too cute to just let sit over at DA.

Enjoy.

NIGHTTIME Is Coming, Kids! (Otherwise known as N.I.C.K.)
A BRIEF TALE OF A Lesser Demon by Sir Lorenzo Lawrence

Had the young slut possessed even the slightest clue as to what was really sleeping in her womb, not only would she had given herself an abortion with the nearest rusty coathanger, she would have completed the task by taking the bloodied wire and wrapping it tightly around her throat until she asphixated. However, blissful ignorance surrounded her brain and so the fifteen year old girl struggled on with the dark weight of the world in her uterus.
Eventually, as nature always works, the labor pains began. They were sharp and rolling through her female parts, until erupting into a burning sensation in the vagina. Her screams were muffled with a padded stick inserted in her mouth, but the screams in her mind were clear as a bell. Her uterus felt like talons were ripping through it, as if the creature within her resisted entering the world. By this time, the father of the child had suddenly developed the ability to become invisible and he remained that way, leaving only one thing behind for his offspring: his last name. Pistonyerown.
Finally, the infant creature was pulled from the dark and dank safety of his mother’s body and came screaming into the world. The young slut was mortified at the sight of her spawn, and its appearance did not improve as it was cleaned off from the gore and slime that covered it. The young mother wondered if it was an alien, as its head was disproportionally large and its legs and arms were stick-like. Somehow, it already had a gut that hung so low that it covered the creature’s genitalia.
“What is it?” She asked her caretakers. Carefully, they lifted the heavy gut to reveal what everyone assumed to be a penis. Interestingly enough, there was no scrotum. It was then that the slut realized that she had given birth, not to an alien, but to a demon. Disgusted, ashamed and terrified, she picked up the bundle of infernal flesh and quickly tossed it onto the doorstop of the creature’s Grandparents. No one really knows what happened to the young slut, though there are rumors that the birth process drove her insane.
When the grandmother, Ms. Enabler, discovered the squalling infant on her doorstop, her heart was full of joy.
Now here, she thought, was the answer to her prayers. The chance to mold yet another child into her own image of what a person should be like.
Although Enabler attempted to feed the creature some milk, he would not accept it. Neither would he accept baby food. The only two things he would gladly eat were feces and blood. Later in life, one more favorite food was added: cum. Only the freshest cum, from boys just barely old enough to produce it, could quench the demon’s thirst.
He was named Lesser Demon, and he grew accordingly in honor of his name.
There came the time when Enabler decided the demon should go to school. Although his IQ was only 79, she made special arrangements to get him in to special education classes. Even among his own dim-witted kind, Lesser was still the object of ridicule. Every day, he came home from school in the foulest of moods.
“Golly gee, Enabler,” he whined, “I just don’t know why everyone hates me.”
“Don’t say “Golly Gee,” Lesser,” Enabler instructed. “Instead, say `motherfucker’ or `faggot.’ It shows that you know what kind of people you are dealing with.”
“Yes, Enabler. I will do that.”
Lesser went back to school, yet the children reacted even more violently than before. He could not understand and approached Enabler once more.
“They are just jealous of you,” she said. “They hate you because you are right and they are wrong. Don’t care about what others say to you, as they are all faggots and cunts and queers. But don’t let it affect you, Lesser. After all, if they are talking about you, that means you are in their minds – and that’s just where you want to be.”
Years passed, as they always do, and Lesser Demon continued to grow into a supreme asshole under the direction of Enabler. One day, he decided that he would be a writer. It didn’t matter to him that he could not spell and had no grasp of grammar. He didn’t even notice that all of his characters were 2D and uninteresting, that plot didn’t exist in his work and that no one other than himself could make heads or tails of what he was writing. But he was not going to be stopped. He blamed his lack of “sales” as a grand conspiracy against him.
Eventually, the Warriors of God decided that they had enough and plunged a screwdriver into his head…or so he told everyone. Too dense to take the hint, he continued to rattle out incomprehensible writing and his vulgar mouth was open 24/7. Sometimes, his mouth was open to speak, and sometimes it was open for cock. Of course, he had to keep the latter a secret, as Enabler would not approve, so he kept his fantasies of buggering little boys in the butt strictly inside his head.
Again, time wore on. While those who had been children when Lesser was had grown up, Lesser did not.
Lesser Demon, who was actually the Least of demons, continued to fail as a writer, and lashed out at all around him instead of considering the possibility that a career as a writer was simply not in the cards for him. To this day, he continues to “write,” struggling with the English language and all that goes along with writing literature, while blasting anyone who has the opinion that he should just hang it up.
But this is not the end of Lesser Demon…no… not by a long shot.

END OF PART ONE

An Associated Content Article We Can All Relate To

..brought to us by Ms. Jane Timm Baxter.

Enjoy!

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1195667/cyber_bullies_real_life_victims.html?cat=15

Dissecting Insanity

This email exchanges was nagged from Janrae Franks’ blog: http://cussedness.wordpress.com/

From Nikki to Jane Baxter:

“I just buried your new publisher bitch.”

(link to dumb AC “article” removed)

(Just look at that opening sentence. Is Nikki saying that Baxter’s publisher is a bitch (“new publisher bitch”) or is he saying that Baxter is a bitch (which should then read, “new publisher, bitch.”?)

“You fuck with Tabloid Purposes, I will put it out there that your publisher had made it clear that she was offering scans of House of Spiders 3 — “

(Stop there for a moment. Apparently, all it takes to “fuck with TP” is to report the “editor” as a no good THIEF, and order the “publisher” to remove the STOLEN STORIES or face possible civil lawsuit and criminal charges.As far as Frank offering scans of House of Spiders 3… We have never seen any evidence of that. I doubt Frank would want to cause mass brain damage by making any of Nikki’s “writing” available for the poor souls of this world.)

“you support piracy in the same vein and took a shit on one of the author’s grave when you had the book pulled.”

(The only place Baxter supports piracy is in Nikki’s mind. Once again, he can give no evidence that his statement is true. As for taking a shit on a dead author’s grave: We’re pretty sure he previously said that Baxter took a piss on the grave. Which is it? Besides, if the poor dead author only has a submission in one of Nikki’s crap anthos as a writing legacy then, we’re sorry to say, she really isn’t worth remembering as an author.)

“The fuck with your career and fuck your other career paths.”

(Yes, Baxter! Join Nikki in sucking on the Government Tit!)

“I will see to it you will never get a book sale or a signing in Chicago. I have enough pull to make that happen.”

(See below for Baxter’s reply. We couldn’t have come up with a better one than she did.)

“Fuck your company and the hell with your career as a writer or poet. Get the fuck out of this business FREAK.”

(Baxter has a company? We did not know that. And as for calling her a FREAK – well, we all know that Nikki is the epitome of normalcy, isn’t he?)

BAXTER’S RESPONSE:
“You couldn’t bury a turd with your bare hands in a sand dune, jerk.”

(Too true.)

You are a laughing stock of the entire internet, as well as in Chicago. The only pull you have is the one you give your dick while watching gay porn.

(Oh God… just relish that second sentence. Just don’t try to visualize it.)

I have been nice to you up until now. If you EVER write to me again, I will team up with Ant and make sure you spend the rest of your miserable life in a psych ward. I used to feel sorry for you – now I feel nothing. I am a Warrior, and you are the eternal Victim- always pointing your nasty finger at everyone else for everything in your life instead of taking some damn personal responsibility. You make me sick.”

Email Game Score: Nikki: 0. Baxter:4

Keep ‘em coming, Nikki!

ALL HAIL LULZ!

Devil’s Childe Invades WordPress

Hello World!

This is yet another blog dedicated to the indescribable horror of Nickolaus Albert Pacione.

Let’s begin with some lovely emails, shall we?

EMAIL NUMBER ONE:

(no subject)‏

From:	nickolauspacione@aim.com
Sent:	Wed 9/17/08 2:17 AM
To:	foc_ewe_np@live.com

I guess you did that out of retaliation for that article  FUck you asshole that anthology will be back and running.

(As usual, no one has any idea what the hell he is talking about, or what crawled up his vagina and bit him.)

NEXT:

From:	nickolauspacione@aim.com
Sent:	Wed 9/17/08 2:17 AM
To:	foc_ewe_np@live.com

I will find you and kill you.

(Nice, eh?)

THIRD:

From:	nickolauspacione@aim.com
Sent:	Wed 9/17/08 2:19 AM
To:	foc_ewe_np@live.com

IT’s Baxter — and I am not giving her a red cent.  I already paid the bitch.  You can go fuck yourself asshole.   How bent are you to go after my anthologies — is it because of that Blogosphere article

(????)

NUMBER FOUR:

From:	nickolauspacione@aim.com
Sent:	Wed 9/17/08 2:52 AM
To:	foc_ewe_np@live.com

You’re fucking with other author’s careers and a dead author’s memory because of you’re pissed off with my article.  FUCK YOU.

(Keep an eye on the times these were sent. Also note that NO REPLIES were made to him.)

EMAIL FIVE:

From:	nickolauspacione@aim.com
Sent:	Wed 9/17/08 6:52 PM
To:	foc_ewe_np@live.com

You can burn in hell you queer — if you hate my guts so much why don’t you do you own damn anthology instead of fucking with mine.  I hope someone gives you AIDS bitch.

(Finally, we respond.)

From: Foc NP <foc_ewe_np@live.com>
To: nickolauspacione@aim.com
Sent: Thu, 18 Sep 2008 6:38 am
Subject: RE: (no subject)

You have no reading comprehension skills at all.
We’ve been over this – not only am I not gay, but I am not stupid enough to have unprotected sex (umm.. like YOU did) or use IV drugs.
We also already went over why I don’t rip people off with “fake” anthologies — I make my money by writing, unlike you EVER will.
And I don’t hate your guts, because your guts have nothing to do with anything. I hate your personality, your small mindedness, your bigotry and your lack of talent… and I can only pray that someone with more strength shoves another screwdriver into your head and actually finishes you off, FUCKER.

EMAIL SIX

From:	nickolauspacione@aim.com
Sent:	Thu 9/18/08 12:24 PM
To:	foc_ewe_np@live.com

My anthologies are not fake.  Leave them alone and the story that was Baxter’s was removed.  What if I was to take over The Blackest Death because you are threatening to take the series over.  Look leave Tabloid Purposes alone.  I am actually reported your site to DA for harassment.   In other words you hate everything I stand for. I will show this to Lulu.com to prove that you’re the person behind it.  They are off limits.   Mess with me all you want in E-mail but Tabloid Purposes is off limits.

RESPONSE: From: Foc NP <foc_ewe_np@live.com>
To: nickolauspacione@aim.com
Sent: Thu, 18 Sep 2008 6:17 pm
Subject: RE: (no subject)

Tell lulu that I am behind WHAT, exactly? Encouraging other authors to nail you for stealing their work? Go right ahead.

And you know full well that DA isn’t going do to shit about my site. Hell, if they allow the crap you go on about, they’ll think mine is pale in comparison! Besides, everyone knows you are a pussy pretending to be a bully, and you complain to everyone about everything anyone else writes about you.

FREE SPEECH IS A BITCH, BABY!

EMAIL SEVEN

From:	nickolauspacione@aim.com
Sent:	Thu 9/18/08 10:48 PM
To:	foc_ewe_np@live.com

Fuck you for trying to threaten to take over Tabloid Purposes IV — you think that little stunt is going to stop the series?   Get AIDS loser.  Why can’t you leave the good people alone they did nothing to you.  Just that Jaen Baxter is on the roster with Janrae Frank that gave you a license to fuck with everyone who published me and those I’ve published.   You’re a fuck.

LAST EMAIL

From:	nickolauspacione@aim.com
Sent:	Thu 9/18/08 10:48 PM
To:	foc_ewe_np@live.com

You messed with my series you queer you’re fucking with me.

___________________________________

After that, we got bored and temporarily blocked him.

The block is now taken off, Nikki, so feel free to bang away on the keyboard again. WE NEED MORE LULZ!!